Mealtime without the iPad

How it usually starts

Almost nobody plans this. A screen goes on during a rough week, the meal gets quieter, and three months later it is part of the setup. There is nothing shameful in that. It is worth changing mainly because a child watching a screen is not really noticing what they are eating, and because switching it off later gets harder the longer it has been running.

The other reason is that the screen tends to become the meal. Any attempt to pause it ends the eating, which puts you in a worse spot than before. Over time the volume creeps up too, from one programme at dinner to the tablet coming to the table by default at breakfast as well.

Change one meal

Pick the easiest meal of your week, often a weekend lunch, and make that the screen-free one. Leave the others alone for now. Trying to drop it everywhere at once usually collapses by Wednesday.

Give the table something to replace it. Sitting down with them rather than clearing up around them makes a real difference. So does putting two or three things on the table to handle: a jug they can pour from, their own little bowl, a plate to pass to you. Talking about anything other than the food helps, so does letting the meal be shorter than you would like. Ten calm minutes is a fine result.

The week it gets worse

Expect protest. Your child is not being difficult on purpose; the shape of the meal has changed and they are telling you so. Naming it plainly and moving on works better than bargaining: "the tablet stays off at lunch, here is your fork". Say the same thing the same way each time so it stops being up for discussion.

Some meals will be eaten less well during this stretch. That tends to even out. What usually does not help is putting the screen back on midway through, because that teaches that enough protest brings it back. If you are going to give in, it is kinder to decide that before the meal starts than halfway through it.

Be realistic

There will be days when you are on your own, running on nothing, and the screen is what gets everyone fed. Use it and start again tomorrow. One meal does not undo a fortnight of a new routine, and treating it as a relapse tends to be harder on you than it is on your child.

It also helps if everyone who feeds your child knows the plan, so the rule does not change depending on who is at the table. A short sentence to a partner or a grandparent, agreed in advance, saves a lot of midweek friction.

If you are worried that your child only eats when distracted, or that eating seems painful or frightening for them, talk to your health visitor or GP rather than working through it alone.

Try this together

Carry The Cutlery from 16 months · 5-10 min Water Pouring Station from 16 months · 25-40 min Wipe The Table from 16 months · 20-30 min

More food guides

When they refuse vegetables Keep offering the same vegetable, without asking them to eat it. Getting started cooking together Pick one job out of a recipe you were cooking anyway. Snacks that hold them over without a fight Two planned snacks a day beat grazing all afternoon.